“But You, O Lord, shall endure forever, and the remembrance
of Your name to all generations. You will arise and have mercy on Zion; yes,
the set time, has come.” -Psalm 102:12
to tell my truth, and give a quick testimony…
past few months I’ve been on this “quest for love.” I’ve been trying to meet
someone. I figured I should live a little, and that I am
deserving of love. I established in my mind that in order for me to be found I need to put myself out there and be open. Honestly its been backfiring
on me. I have been wasting my time on guys that just end up hurting my feelings.
been hard dating (especially during a pandemic, but that’s beside the point). I
said well God is just going to have to make him walk down my street or knock on
my door. Be careful what you ask for, because soon after that’s exactly what happened.
I later discovered that God wasn’t the only one listening. The enemy lurks like a lion. There
were so many red flags, and from the very beginning I was skeptical. I wouldn’t truly
open up to this person, but later I decided to give it a shot. I wanted an “experience.” He fulfilled a fantasy. I decided
to go with the flow, but little did I know that it would lead to an emotional
rollercoaster (probably just on my end). The guy ended up ghosting me after
pursuing me for a very short time. That hurt. Why would someone claim to want
to be in my life, love me, and end up leaving me soon after?
I kept replaying scenarios in my head. I found
myself going on strolls on the street where we met, and hoping I’d randomly run into him
(kind of stalkerish, I know). I felt
taken advantage of. Why would he beg to be in my life, make all of these promises, and disappear so soon? As I strolled down the street of where we met today I felt fed up. I asked God for ways to move on. I remembered
watching testimonies of people that had an encounter with Jesus. They talked
about this super fulfilling and over pouring of love that they’d never felt before.
I then asked God if it were possible that I could feel His love like
the people I watched. I hadn’t opened my bible in a week. When I finally did
the passage that stuck out to me most was Psalm 102:12. It reminded me that His
love endures forever. His love arises and is filled with mercy. I thought wow,
God just spoke to me through His word. I was grateful for that. He cares. I figured that was a miracle, so I didn’t expect
Little did I know that God would
have something bigger in store, an encounter with Him. He answered my prayer. He was right on time. I’m
writing this because I want to remember what happened to me tonight, and because
I wanted you to know that you have no idea how much God truly loves us. I was
listening to some worship music, like I normally do every now and then. Yet tonight
was different. Around 11 pm I felt the love of God. Its like He just poured His
love on me. It felt like this warm oil started drenching from my head to my
feet. The feeling felt so pure, warm, and overwhelming. I started to weep. I’ve
never felt like this before.
God’s love is way more than I could
ever deserve. I’m not saying that I give up on having a relationship, but all I can
say is God’s love is the sweetest thing I’ve ever experienced. This life goes
by so fast. If I never know what romantic love feels like on earth, I realized that I will be
okay. I rest in knowing that I will feel the epitome of love for an eternity. There is a love so pure that satisfies my soul, and its a place where I lack nothing. In this Love I will gain everything, and that is amazing. Plus he’ll never break His promises.
Honestly I am still kind of bummed with the experience that I’ve been having on my “love quest” journey. I’ve been through worse, and I just know in my heart that God’s love is healing my disappointment. He’s taking away the confusion as I’m typing this. There will come a day where I will laugh about this, and wonder why I wanted someone who in the end just didn’t want me. I will ask why was I so afraid to be alone that I would settle for anything, Even though it hurts, and my phone is back silent I know that God is protecting me. He’s getting me back on track, and preparing a path for me.
We ask God for many things, but
today I just want to encourage you to thank Him and simply sit in His presence.
He is so good, and is Love.